Sink or Swim

You throw yourself into a swimming pool and the weight of the water crushes down upon you and for a moment… you panic, you think you are literally about to die…all because you had the stupid idea to jump into the deep end…it sounded fun at the time…but why the hell would throwing yourself into the unknown abyss be fun??? (You panic to yourself as your body sinks effortlessly to the bottom of the pool…)

And then, you kick….slowly you make your way to the surface… you continue to fight until at last you can breathe again. When you reach the surface a whole second to two after you had jumped…you realize how stupid it was for you to panic in the first place….and you get out and jump again…and the cycle repeats…

I jumped head first into the NYC deep end. It sounded like a great career move at the time. NYC will be a blast and the internship opportunities will be amazing…they’ll just fall out of the sky…I told myself. (Okay, I didn’t actually expect it to be that easy…but I expected to at the minimum hear back from people)

I’ve been here in my tiny Brooklyn apartment, alone, for about two and a half weeks now. I’m still at the first stage of my dive-panic. I’m roommate-less, internship-less, and I’m only taking one class since I’ve technically already completed my degree….There is no structure to my life at the moment and I do not function without some sort of structure. Despite sending out countless resumes …I’m sinking to the bottom.

Soon a lifeguard will need to step in, throw me a line and take me out of the NY pool permanently. By lifeguard I mean either my parents or my school….they’ll deem me a failure and I’ll go home to live in my childhood bedroom with my parents until I die.

Yes, I realize this is incredibly dramatic…but remember I’m still in my panic stage…I’m allowed to freak out its normal…right?

This week I’ll be kicking and flailing like my life depends on it…and hopefully by the end of the week, I’ll have reached the surface and be laughing at myself for panicking in the first place….and I’ll get out and jump into a new pool….my internship.

If not, please send donations or flowers to my parent’s house…